Wednesday, 8 December 2010

Getting to know each other again...

Wow what a roller coaster few week this has been!

  • Getting ready for the BIG interview! So stressed and umm probably could have handled that stress in a better way, but you live and learn; right?
  • Worrying about the future... and then realising that worrying about it wont help things at all, in fact will probably make things harder and make me more unhappy!
  • Choosing to trust God.. Tough but actually really freeing!
  • Not passing the interview... bit of a blow!
  • Finding a peace that we are actually  in God's will!
  • Having a little/minor panic about the future... :-(
  • Richard being compleatly free from Depression!!! So exciting and a little scary, as I keep getting scare it will all come back again!
  • Feeling a little pushed away by Richard because he wants to "Find himself" but trying to understand...
  • Having a very different, but rather charming man living in my house (still Rich in case you were worried)

So much has happen and it's taken some time to  let the dust settle and figure out what we have left.We also have to start thinking about what the next steps should be in order to move forward and be where we should be. We decided it would be a good idea to have a life meeting! This is a time where Richard and I get together after the girls are asleep, with a glass of wine and talk about Life... The things we are finding hard, anything we need the other persons opinion on, a chance to get those annoying things of your chest that you know could become a little ugly if you leave them un-said for a few weeks. Also a time to look at what is going on in our lives and where we are going, making sure we are both of the same track.

It was a really good thing to do at this time, something we haven't done together for a long time. I had a chance to talk to Rich about that fact that I have been feeling pushed away since he got back, and that while I am very excited that he's depression has GONE, I am also very scared about it coming back. We also talked about the fact that he has changed a LOT and that even tough it is all for the better, he is also very different and it is going to take me some time to get to know him again! Richard also feels the same way, that he has changed and it is going to take him some time to get to know himself too and that is why he wants the space to be alone with his thoughts.

Since we had the Life Talk we have been getting on a lot better. I no longer feel so pushed away and I think we both realise is it going to take us sometime to get used to the changes. However we are both very excited about the future and so that is GOOD!

The next step for me is to take Stock of my life, where I am and how things are looking in different areas of my life, see what is good, and what can be worked on and then get to it. I strongly believe my Future is my fault and so I need to get to it! With God's help...

To take stock I will be using a Life Balance check list. I know that the last time I look at this I scored very badly and it was rather depressing, but I am a stronger person and I hope I can look at the results and grow from than rather than crumble!

Hopefully I will get the results up here tomorrow or Friday and then I can begin to make changes!

Dare 2 Dream


P.S. The Caffeine thing is going well! I am no longer addicted and although I am not T- total.. I am only drinking one or two coffee's a week rather than 4 or 5 a day!

P.P.S. I am hoping to take Rich out on a date next week... Which I am very excited about!

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