If a tired child is a grumpy child, then...

Flipping Heck! What a day...

I knew this wouldn't be easy but flip... So this post will probably end up being very different than how it started out as I have some how deleted the whole of the post I already wrote out, but Ill give it a go..

Okay this is my third go at writing this as the second wasn't really appropriate...

I was hoping to try and only write helpful positive things in here but the honest true is that things arent great everyday. I guess helps to know they aren't bad every day too.

So today was very hard day and the result of the day was that I went out for a little drive in search for a hug, but no one was home....

However a Hug did arrive in the form of a very dear Police Officer friend of Richard and mine (who just dropped in for a cup of tea, not because we were in trouble..lol) and so that was a huge blessing and with this friend being around we managed to talk though some of my grumpinesses and hopefully tomorrow will be a better day!

The honest true is that I am just so tired, too tired to cope with even the stupid little things like the kids having a bit of a whine or if I brake a plate. I have had disturbed sleep for over a month now for a number of reasons , nightmares, kids waking up and a horrid cough, so all in all am pretty pooped....

but being the daft cow that I am instead of getting to bed early so I can mange tomorrow better I have taken to watching TV till late and hiding from my problems because I am so scared that tomorrow will be a pants day again (which of course it is because I am tired!)

If tired child is a grumpy, moany, unhappy child, and so the same is probably true for grown ups... right?

So Step number 1 in trying to feel more human and feeling alive is to get more sleep! I am going to make myself a little promise and please feel free to check up on me on this one...

I promise myself that I will get 20 early nights over the next 30 days. Early night means in bed for 9:30pm with lights out at 10pm... NO sneeky reading, watching TV or talking till the wee hours of the morning Miss Rebekah Jane.. You will get more sleep and you will start to feel more human.. and shake that cold...

Good Night xxx ;-)

The Challenge....

The Challenge it to get from A to Z, to get from feeling like we are only just surviving to feeling Alive and to learn and grow along the way. My hope is that by writing things down I will work harder, ask for help more, and keep at it for longer than I would do if I was trying this alone. I am doing this to try to make my Life better for my kids and my husband, to help myself to be happier and hopefully to be able to be a better person, wife, mother and friend.

I also hope that by sharing this with the world some how it may help other people in there own quests and journeys though life.

Life is a Journey and although it is very important to have a goal or to know where you are headed it is also vitally important to enjoy the journey... I think... What do you think?

The Starting place...

What Does my life look like now, what does it means to "Just Survive?"

Here is where I am to be brave and bare my soul.... God help me...

• Business Pretty much Dead-  booo...
• Over £10,000 in debt... (Plus student loan...)
• On Benefits and desperately looking for work...
• Rich is half way though his application to the Navy
• 2 Years of Depression
• Unhappy and Stressed most of the time
• Frustrated and trying so hard to care for my family, but feel like I fail every day.
• Not Sleeping well and having nightmares...

Okay so that's pretty bleak and Depressing just to look at. I hope I'm not depressed you just by writing that down...

What does Feeling alive look like?

• I want to Close the business down and for Richard to get himself a Job to take his mind off of things and so we can start to sort our finance's out.
• To be on significantly less benefits and to being able to think and plan about getting off them all together!
• To no longer feel depressed most days to have fun. To look forward to tomorrow because it's going to be a good day!
• To know I am doing a good job with my kids and family and that I am a goo wife and friend.
• To sleep well and feel well each day (or even just most days. most days would be a good start)
• It would be amazing if Rich could get into the navy, but if not to have a good job and a clear career plan...
• To be paying off more of our debt, and to have a clear financial plan of how and when we might be free of this big debt hanging over our heads...

Well this is my Challenge to myself.. I don't know how this will work out. I want to be positive and excited, but to be perfectly honest right now I am terrified.. But hear goes.. I've heard that it's good to make a decision and so I will.

I decide to do something about my life situation. I know that it is my own responsibly and I can either spend my time and energy complaining, passing the blame and feeling sorry for myself or I can do something about it.

I am determined to Pray, Praise, Pursue and Power my way though to feeling Alive!

Who are we and what is this Blog about?

Hi there everyone, anyone or even no one... (this Blog is as much for me as I write things down and try to learn as anything else)



Let me give you some back ground info and then introduce you to the challenge...


I'm Becky I am 23 (24 next week) I have been married to Rich for 4 years and we have two beautiful little girls (aged 2years and 10months) and two mischievous cats!  At the time of writing this we live by the sea in West Dorset, normally it is very pretty and the weather is great, but right now it is pouring with rain!!!

We had our own business which has kinda died and has left us in debt and feeling like failures... It has been a  really tough few years, we have both suffered with depression among other things and really feel like we only just surviving!!!

A week ago we decided that there must be more than this... Than feeling crap, being afraid to go to bed at night because you can't face tomorrow, to feeling sick and unwell every day and fighting with each other all the time. Surely life is meant for living! Is it possible to feel ALive rather than like we are about to sink any minuet?

Right now this is just a theory, a pretty scary and maybe exciting theory, but still a theory. The plan is to test this idea and see if life can be fun and if it is possible to go from just surviving to Felling Alive...

This is our challege and my Blog will be a kind of diary to write in and share our ups and downs.

This is my Life Biography, as it is still being written. I hope you enjoy it, that we can all learn new things, and that one day we can all feel ALive...

Dare 2 Dream!

Becky xxx