Going Cold Turkey.... not good...

Day one of the two week no coffee challenge... not good..

MY HEAD HURTS SOOOOOO MUCH!!

I just don't get it.. lol I didnt even drink that much maybe 3 or 4 per day and I have cut it down over the last 3 days... but oh my gosh my head is so bad. I have drunk so much water, juice, mint tea, and even de-caf coffee (to try and trick my head into thinking I had caffeine) but oh no.. the pain is getting worse.... Even Ibuprofen is not helping.... so off to bed I go

Poor Rich has a bad head too and is trying to study, but it's better he has the bad head now and then gets past it, than to be told not to have coffee at his 4 day interview and have a banging head ache which trying to write an essay or something....

Well It's been an odd day, we've both been grumpy because of the bad heads, Katie our youngest is teething, and Charlotte has been such a monkey.. Ah well best to get the hard days over with all at once. Both my lovely girls are asleep, Rich is going for a bath, after trying on his new shirts and suit (he looks so nice, Mr Richie Railton you are a stunner) And I'm going straight to sleep...

Please God may my head not hurt tomorrow.

Good Night all xxx

Oh my goodness! What a crazy two weeks we have ahead....

So the next two weeks...

Next Sunday Richard will be going away for the last interview in nearly a year long application process for the Royal Navy!  It is going to be 2 of the most exciting and most terrifying weeks of our lives!

The interviews have slowly gotten harder and the application has taken such a long time that with each pass the next has become even more important. Richard is applying to be an Observer in the Helicopters, which is navigator,  weapons and something else which I can't remember... what a shocking wife...

I am really nervous if I am honest, it could be sooo great if he gets this job. He will have a secure job for the next 12 and slowly we can work ourselves out of this money mess we are in... however he would be going away for 8 months... when he first starts and we would be staying here so that would be TOUGH...

On the other hand if he doesn't pass, we would have put so much time into this and not got anything back, and we would have to have a very serious think about a good plan B.... and maybe a plan C....

I know worrying about it wont help at all, so I am really trying not to, but it is sooo hard..

Week 1

 Rich has LOADS of studying to do and I have lots of clothes to wash and iron to help him get ready.. Mostly I am just trying to keep myself and the girls out of the way so he can get on and getting very early nights to help him get early nights..

Also we have both GIVEN UP COFFEE for 2 week to try and help us both to have clear heads and to not be dependant on it sooo much....

Week 2

Rich will go away for the beginning of the week for 4 days to do his navy interviews.... and I will be here on my own. Tuedsaday we wilol hear if he has passed the first part of the interview and will go on to the medical or come home. If he does pass the first part he will have his medical on the Wednesday and then come home. I had better plan lot of things to do on those three days or I'll be sitting here at home going mad...

Poor Rich will get back just in time for us to pack up and go on Thursday, to baby sit for my family for a few days... all 9 of them. hee hee Actually it's no where near as hard as it sounds.. I have a 17 year old brother and two sisters who are 15 and 13 who are always a huge help and the other younger ones mostly entertain themselves.. so really I am expecting an easy weekend with my feet up.. (are you hearing that Debbie!!!)

So in the next 2 weeks our life will change so much  it will take a huge turn one way or the other and we will have to deal with the good and the bad from either result. I guess for now we will just have to wait and see which way God sends us...

Watch this space! xxx

A birthday, A New Year and a transformed mind...

My birthday, my New Year and my transformed mind... 

My Birthday was an amazing day! Richard made it so special and treated me like a princess and made my fav dinner after the girls were in bed! I was also so blessed by how many people wished me a happy birthday. I had over 80 birthday messages! It was crazy and amazing to see how many people love me so much!

The next day Richard's family came to stay for a week. It was an great time really. Richard wasn't very well, which was rubbish for him, but I had rich's parents with me so they helped me with the girls so that was okay, and poor Rich's dad had a little accident in the middle of the week, he had to go to hospital but is fine now! We also had Katie (early) 1st birthday party while they were down here as they wouldn't be here for the real day, so that was really great!

On the Saturday Richard and I went to Holy Spirit day which was really tiring but also great! I'll probably tell people more about that later.

Once I had started getting more sleep I could start trying to look my life from an out side point of view and I am now trying to see what I can work on, what will change with time, and some things I may have to accept.

A birthday means a start to a new year, New years day in my own life. I think maybe it would be a good idea to think about some sensible and mangable New Years Resolutions or Promises that I can work on over the coming year. I am 24, It is a fresh year,  with less mistakes in it (so far,) I wonder what the future will hold?

I know things are very unlikely to change over night and everyone goes through tough times, but I hope this time around I can build on a stronger foundation and be a stable and stronger person, so that when those tough times hit I would come tumbling down again.

So I guess it is now time, to take some time, to look at my life and climb slowly but surely out of this hole...

Becky xx

quick run down of the last 2 weeks or so.. well at least a start...

So here will be my quick run down of the last two week or however long it has been... The important bits.

I think it is important to mention that I am a Christian and I think a lot of this journey is going to be a spiritual one and probably a fair bit of it will be a battle of the mind. Finding the truth in life, making choices to act on truth rather than feelings and then planning my life and living it in line with the truths I discover.... but we shall see

Day 1

Okay so I had a bit of a low day first. I had found an interesting verse in the bible that day before, which seemed to make sense and really spoke to me, but I had no idea how to put it into practise. You'll remember the verses from a previous post. It was from Psalms and it said "Why are you cast down O' my soul and why are you in turmoil within me? Hope in God; for I shall again praise him, my salvation and my God." It sounded all very good but putting it into practise was a much tougher idea. I understood about the soul being in turmoil, check, got that one in there, but then choosing to praise God and look for the good in life despite all that... ummm much tougher... 

What do you think? Does it help to look for the good in life and to be grateful even when you feel really low?

Day 2

Still felt a little low, but realise how lucky I was to have such amazing friends! Some of my friends really went out of their way to make me feel loved and special that day. It was really touching and very healing. I was starting to realise the importance of acting in faith. Believing the truth even if you don't understand it or feel like it. People do love me and care about me and I am so lucky in so many areas of my life.

Day 3

My birthday meal day. I some how have a little bit of a problem with my birthday and especially with people making a fuss, but my friend chose to anyway and planned me a lovely birthday meal with four close friends. To start with I was kinda scared, which sounds daft and feel really sick about the whole idea, but it was a beautiful meal and a really special time. One of my friends has gone to such a huge effort to make me a special meal and 2 others had fasted all day so that they could pray with me against me having any more night mares. I was amazing to feel that loved and that people would make all the effort for me. Thank you so much guys. You made me feel so special. I'm sorry I was still pretty tired and not very chatty, but I did have an amazing time!

Day 4 

This was a tough start with a good ending. I had a panic attack in the afternoon over the most stupid thing, it was just that I had got to after lunch, it was raining and I suddenly realised I hadn't planned anything for the kids to do in the afternoon! It was the most stupid thing, but it seemed huge at the time. Plus Richard didn't feel well and so I chose to give into to worry and allow it to consume my afternoon! Rather fooling idea really come to think about it, but they say hind sight is a perfect science.

Spent some time talking with Rich in the evening, rather than watching TV so that was really nice and then we made some plans for the next few weeks to sort things out. Also a good friend popped in for a little while which was great!

Day 5 

Had a early start but a really lovely morning with my girls. and then had to pop out clothes shopping with Richard, and my friend baby sat the girls. Now I know most ladies love to shop, I must be one of the few who really hate it, and who feel really sick most times they walk into a shop... Richard has some important bits he had to get and we were in there for a (while) I could feel the panic starting to build up in me and I knew it was nuts and was going to ruin our nice day out. So I started to pray, and yes I'm sure it sounds crazy, but I prayed for God to be with me and to help me to enjoy shopping and not have have another panic attack. You know what? He did...ish.. I didn't have a panic in the shop and although I still didn't love it we didn't have a fight and with God's help I kinda managed the rest of the trip without to much trouble. And when we got home we found an amazing Gift! Someone has sent us £1,000 to get a new car (ours broke recently and we are borrowing one from a friend right now) It was totally amazing. I wonder if it was God way of saying I'm watching out for you.

That evening Richard was out and I had made plans to pray for my kids. (Charlotte has been a little worried, and has been really mean to Katie and Katie was teething and in a lot of pain, so was grumpy...) but would the kids go to bed on time and let me alone to pray? I think not... lol I could feel myself getting mad in side and even said to myself "I wanted to pray for the kids and they just wont go to bed!" and then it dawned on me that there was no point in praying for my kids and asking God to change them if I was just gonna get angry! 

Charlotte couldn't sleep, so I decided to put the prayer on hold and have a special time with her! We took her quilt down stairs, got some chocolate and watched a movie together on the sofa. We watched little house in the prairie, it was so beautiful. I wanted my family to be like that and I realise it would take hard work, but that I had to change myself and as God to help me change myself first. 

You don't see Ma Inglis yelling at the kids, having a strop because things don't go her way and complaining that she has a hard life or that she has to work hard. She just gets on with it, choosing to be happy, praising God no matter what happens, seeing the best in life, working so hard, just to see a smile on her husbands face and to hear her kids laugh. She works hard because she loves them so much. I wanted to be like her and to put my family first before myself. I know it's just a movie, but the book are true stories. They had an amazingly hard life, and yet they were so happy, so committed to each other and though that they were able to help others around them.

I was inspired. with God help I had managed to turn what could have been a horrid evening around to being a great one and by listening to what was going on around me I learnt that true happiness is not when we get everything we want and when people notice us, but when we take responsibly for our own actions, take care of those around, trust God and look for the great things in life and, even when life is hard, choosing to praise him.

I don't know if you believe in God or not but I think you will agree that a selfish person is not a happy person and that someone who finds a higher calling and helps those around them has a much better shot at happiness.. What do you think? Let me know...

The next post will cover what happened next, the actions I took from my discovery and how it has affected my life.

Dare 2 Dream!

Becky xx

Yes I'm still here and still alive ;-)

Hey there,

Yes I am still here and still alive lol. I know it has been ages since I posted last, but I am still here. I have had Richard's family staying with us, which has been super... all apart from the day when his dad had a little accident and ended up in hospital for a day. Bless him. They ended up staying here with us for two more days, but I am please to say that he is doing just fine and they were two really great days!

Lots has happened since I last wrote and I will try to fill in with the most important parts over the next few days and leave the boring bits out.

Firstly I would like to share that the sleep challenge has been harder than I thought.... with people staying and the kids not getting to bed till late it has been trickyer than first thought, although I have been getting a lot more sleep over all and am more aware that staying up late is bad... and yes there has been a marked improvement in my moods and grumps...

Rich is doing great. He has just under two weeks before his last interview for the navy.. scary stuff and very stressful, but we seem to be managing to stay friends though it so far... There were a few days when I thought I would be helping him to keep checking up and nagging him with his studies, but I soon realised that I was not helping matters at all and was just reflecting my own nerves and worries onto him... So I have made up my mind to give the poor guys some space to study in peace and to just get on with the things I am responsible for...

I would like to say a public sorry to My lovely husband for being such a pain the in bum and I hope I can still support you with out being a nagging wife. I love you very much and I know you are going to do AMAZINGLY WELL.. you are my hero....

So wow loads has happened but I'm going to sign off now, while I run up stairs and grab my diary so I can find the most importnat parts to share with you all.

Love you xx

Review of the sleep challenge and a thought about choices...

Review of the sleep challenge... 
First of all I wanted to say that the getting more sleep thing is starting to pay off, and although I think its going to take time it is already making a difference to how well I manage the little things which go wrong.

Also I have no had any nightmares for 5 nights in a row now! Which is fab!!! Richard has been praying for me, I have been trying to hand any worries I might have left over from the day back to God before I sleep, I am trying to be very careful about the kind of movies I watch and Richard and his friend fasted and prayed for me on Monday about the nightmares and the feeling low... So that is all great and as I said I'm seeing the results.


After my last post, I went to bed. still feeling a little confused, frustrated and low about life (as was seen in my earlier edition of the last post) But something incredible happened that night. Richard had gone out to help with a church group and, at the advice of a friend, he had put some Christian worship music on in the car, nice and loud and had a good old chat with God, all the way to the group and all the way back... and you know what, when he got home he seemed like a changed man...

His whole face and countenance had changed. His eyes were so happy and sparkly, and he was full of smiles, somehow, something had happened to him during his time with God on the road and he had come home full of hope! Hope for the future, hope for healing of the past, and hope for our family. Somehow he had found great strength in letting God into the situation and choosing to praise God even when he didn't feel like it.

It was certainly a very interesting idea and I was so amazed to see him so happy!

The next day - Richard took Charlotte out with him for an hour or so and left me with strict instructions to spend some time with God for myself. I wasn't so sure as I had huge amounts of house work to do, but I had seen the difference it had made to Richard the night before and how he was still happy in the morning so I gave it ago. It certainly made me feel a lot better, but I even though it doesn't seem like it, I do know that we cant actually base our whole lives on how we feel. I remembered my aunt telling me that Psalms in the bible was kind of like King David's Blog, where he wrote about his ups and downs and how he seemed to be one of the most normal people you read about in the bible. So i decided to take a look at Psalms for myself. One verse stood out to me above all the rest, mainly because it was repeated 3 times in the 2 psalms I read, but it seemed really relevant to my life right then. The verse said:

"Why are you cast down, O my soul, and why are you in turmoil within me? Hope in God; for I shall again praise him, my Salvation and my God. "

I was amazed! Here was David feeling down and depressed, and yet he told his soul, that he would still praise God. He made a choice to praise him even when he didn't feel like it.

This really spoke to me and reminded me that the way we react to things in our lives is a choice that we have to make, and we are responsible for the actions we take, based on these choices. Our feeling change all the time and it is best to base our actions on facts that we know to be true,and not on how we feel at the time.

Still a theory at this point.. what do you think?

Challenge 2: No more moaning... (well I can try)

Challenge 2 is to be more positive about life. Life is not easy and if we think it is then we're kidding ourselves. But these hard time can help us to enjoy the good bits even more!

I think we can choose which parts of life we want to focus on, think about and talk about. We can either focus and think about the bad stuff or choose to learn from it and move on to the good.

I once heard that you can never fail, we only learn and grow and that is the idea I want to take with me though out this blog. I am however only human and so I'm sure to make a few mistakes here and there and have a wee little moan.

I will do my bestest try to keep to the useful things I discover and talk about these and not making this into a blog just to bitch about life.

Crazy amount of stuff have happen this week, really important things, huge changes which I need to talk about. However,  it is oh so late already and am trying to get more sleep, so I will say Good Night for now and I will get my butt back on here tomorrow (if I can) and share some of this weekend and what has happened.

Good Night Ya'll

Becky xx